Memorial Day: Why Sadness Is Helpful

It’s all right to cry
Crying gets the sad out of you
It’s all right to cry
It might make you feel better

– Excerpt from the song “It’s Alright to Cry,” in the book Free to Be You and Me, by Carol Hall, Performed by Rosey Grier

Amidst the bombardment of sales ads, picnic extravaganzas, and the onset of summer fashion’s requisite white shoes, lies the real reason for Memorial Day: Focusing on our soldiers’ lost lives. Somewhere, in all of the celebratory bent that commercialism placed on this holiday, we remember what the word “memorial” is really meant to be: Honoring those who gave their lives for the United States of America. For those still in the throes of loss, however long it may have been, the element of sullen sacrifice is always hard. While time may heal, it does not erase.

But that can be a good thing. Countries have memorial days for the express twofold purpose of both remembering the fallen and honoring the country. The first is equated with the second. Both sadness and pride can, and do, exist in parallel, even if it’s hard.  And that’s just on a nationalistic scale. So, too, do societies, religions, and families have memorial days. Usually on the birthday or the day of passing of the deceased, loved ones or adherents commemorate their losses, year in, year out.

In short, people need memorial days. By having one day per year to fully focus on the deceased, and the ways in which they lived and died, mourners can channel their energies specifically and purposefully. True – for many, the deceased people live on in day-to-day influences, longings, and memories on the part of those left behind. Yet one day per year allows people to hone in, gather together, and effect their sadness constructively and tangibly.

If you lost someone during any of the US wars, you automatically commemorate the true meaning of Memorial Day. At the same time, many of us have not lost anyone in American combat – so for those of us in that position, let us take a moment to really appreciate Memorial Day for its initial purpose. Really try to identify with the sadness.

Go to a local Memorial Day commemoration. Read about local soldiers who fell, and read about those who fell even 100-200 years ago. Try to put yourself in the shoes of their mother, father, sister, brother, or grandparents. How would you feel, losing someone as a soldier?  By making an effort to feel sad on Memorial Day, we can relate to those who have lost in defense of a nation. In turn, we feel unified with them and our shared history. In addition, when we do go shopping, get a Memorial Day massage, go on a picnic, etc., we do so within the context that we are lucky to be here, appreciating each moment.